Know your special friend

That day I ran into this dark burly guy while coming out of the wash room. "Sorry.I am very sorry" he said. "It's OK". I retorted back. Nothing unusual.
A few days later; "How was your weekend?", I turned back. The same dark, burly guy. I replied " great " added "I went home". "Oh thats really great" - he smiled. I did not know him, not even his name, but still nothing unusual.
I saw him sitting at his desk with a very expensive looking headphone attached to his head, looking intently at his computer. He had a very stylish keyboard. Nothing unusual here too.
I met him once again on our way back. Then it all flashed back - the bumping at the wash room, query about my weekend , his sitting with headphone attached all the time.
We had the usual round of introductions and office talks for sometime. Then the customary round of silence and searching for the next common topic to discuss.
I got some time to think.
So this guy is doing all that I am doing, all the interactions with the clients, all the report making, all the recommendations, all that all the people in the Organization are doing. He is a consultant, a senior one that too.
Then I remembered the words of Diana-a friend working for a wonderful cause in a wonderful way. " We are going to see tremendous possibilities for the special kids(with different physical and mental abilities). They are going to sit besides us, work with us, study with us, play with us, dance with us, sing with us, smile with us, cry with us, feel the same angst that we feel, the same despair, the same frustration, the same feeling of love, of hearts overflowing with a desire to give, to share, to be together (may not be exact words but same feeling for sure)."
for more details about Diana and Chrysallis performance center for the challenged see My interests section in this Blog.
But what is this green-miasma in front of my eyes. Jealousy! - Yes I could see him . Tempting me, laughing at me, teasing me. "He is challenged yet he can do all that you can. He is getting all the respect and definitely some more sympathy than you get. Maybe he is getting paid as much. He is BLIND, you are NOT.But..."
I paused for a moment, thought over it and shot back."I am not?? Am I not blind to the possibility that he has a beautiful mind, a working brain, a perfect soul just like me. Am I not blind to the fact that he is capable of and may be delivering much more than I am. Am I not blind to the fact that his perception world may be much more beautiful than what I perceive." The demon unwelcome, went away. He will hunt some one else now.
This is the thing we have to fight against. We have to keep our guard against constantly. This feeling. This demon and its aides (indifference, disgust, repulsion) we have to kill. He has managed to keep our special friend away from all of us. He has managed to put them in special schools, in some far-away hospitals, in rehab centers away from our love, friendship and humanity. He has deprived us of the tales of hope, the testimonies of mental strength, of resilience, stories of courage, of an undaunted spirit, that these very special people have to share with us.
Special - Yes they are. They still manage to hang on and still manage to carry on this journey of life without what we usually (but very funnily) call 'normal'. I can not say much. THINK yourself. What is normal, Who is normal anyway?

don't tell me- That is the way the cookie crumbles

i still think about it
even though i had made up my mind
a thousand times over.
still undecided, still afraid;
have i lost everything ?
what i have gained 'just an illusion' ?

from the depth of my soul
the voice - silent whisper rather;
has almost stopped calling again.
downed may be or silenced,
by the loud cries of the world
or the brou ha ha of my head

they all look the same:
zombies, active morons or just humans
what is that i am doing here?
a cog in the wheel of time,
forced to run without stop,
without complaint, without thought.


who is in charge of all this,
who runs this tragic show?
why can't we see ahead?
why can't we turn back?
do we direct all the moves
or just act out the lines of this play?

why are we always running
is something to be gained and not lost
what is that we are waiting for
someone who is different yet understands us,
someone who empathises but does not suffer,
someone - a man or a god ?

buy/sell - what?? TIME!!

No. The finance bug has not bitten me.Not yet. I still don't understand how people can make money ($,Rs, cant find any other currency symbol so- etc. etc.) by using the arbitrage (don't ask the meaning - this word just sounds good) route.
What I am referring to here is something more than a commodity and though similar but not interchangeably used for currency. TIME
Men and women all the time sell their times but can never buy it back.
Thank Coelho for this wonderful statement but reflect upon it - How true starting from a investment banker, to a movie star, a doctor, an IT guy(still say it after the HCL ad), a prostitute and even a CONSULTANT(don't break your head over the order-no logic in it) sell their time and earn their living(actually a lot more than that) from it.
But it does not work the reverse way. You CAN NOT buy back some time by paying some (whatever) amount of money in any counter.
And how badly we need it - think of a dying son who never had time to say "Father you are the field from which I have harvested everything in my life. I love you". The stinking rich guy who was busy making millions all the time his only daughter grew up. What would he give to buy some time when she took her first steps, said 'Ma' or 'Pa' for the first time.
The last evening with your beloved before she left for a different country to pursue her destiny. You would pay for the evening to last forever-won't you?
I could really go on - BUT
My company is selling my time to a client and charging them for it.
So i have to sell it to them. Really pressed for time.
Would get back to this topic for sure, when I have more of TIME(cant BUY but can BORROW :))

so many time in our lives we go through this...

Castaway

Alone in the blues all around and atop,

In a moment when time meets a full stop,

...(wait for the book)

an ode to the "best days of our lives"

Stolen Moments

...(wait for the book)

behind closed doors

Behind the closed doors

When the darkness blinds my vision

And the day is long gone.

........ (wait for the book)

Behind the closed doors.

Choices and Consequences

There comes a time in the lives of all of us when we are kissed by life itself and destiny’s hands rise to lift us up to itself. The challenge is in being able to sense that this is the time. All the success stories that we hear typically ends with the “rest all is history” or “there was no looking back after that”. You should be able to guess what is that I am hinting at. There have been such instances, such chances that happen to come our way once or more but some choose to turn left some choose to turn right some choose to retreat and some choose to just wait. That makes all the difference. One of my friends used to tell all the time that

“it is all about choices and consequences”. I couldn’t put it any better.

The choices we make leads to very different circumstances that again lead to many choices. In fact if we look back we see that what we are today and what the world around us is that is due to the choices we made. If we roll back the tape so to say and think that had we made a different choice at a particular point in our lives our live and everyone connected with us would have had very different lives that what is now or it could have been same also. We live in our own worlds I mean all the people in this world lives in different worlds only they physically reside in one planet called earth in a remote corner of the milky way in a still more remote corner of the universe. Who knows we might have different universes also!

I promised I would not write anything that I myself could never relate to I mean things like nuclear arms deal with US, cloning etc. So here is my part to it. I always though I had an outside chance to go to some good university like Oxford, Cambridge etc(they are not just good but they are too good I know but I already said an outside chance) and pursue a career in literature or arts. There was a chance during my school days- I was given enough recognition and encouragement to do so but I chose to pursue the road oft traveled. What I am today and what I am doing now is all a fall out of many choices like that. I just hope that I make some more choices and the final outcome be the same.

No one can escape making choices not even the hermit who has renounced the world and lives in the woods. Even not making a choice is a choice in itself so let us make our choices and be ready to face the returns as they are. Let us brace ourselves saying that only I made my choices so I must embrace the consequences hereafter. Every choice is made in the uncaring blind-said Radhakrihnan. So we cannot regret for our choices but we must make our best judgment, we must do our best and be our best self when making these choices and then accept the results as they are. We have the right to choose but not the right to decide what follows, we have the right to present not the future, and we have a right to the war not victory. That is the message of Gita said differently.