Wednesday 25 March 2009

awkward

They could hardly look into each others eyes. They were not sure how to greet, say hello or shake hands or smile and raise eyebrows or hug each other. Time and distance, not merely the physical ones, does funny things to memory. You think a person would like something, or dislike something else, based on your memory, but the person's preferences have changed! Why should they not, everything, almost everything does.
Why can't this memory change?

Well, she smiled, he could not hear what she said before or after, he could only smile back. No civilities exchanged, no 'whats up', 'how r you doing', no 'how r things at ur end'. There was a kind of silence, an inappropriateness of situation or setting, loss not merely words but something else.
There were other people as well, it was a reunion both were not sure about. Not sure whether the other would come, not sure whether they themselves would like to come or whether they would like the other to come. But they did.

Man tends to become somewhat superficial with a certain age (needless to say it is the age in between) and notices the temporary things more keenly. Phrases such as 'You have lost/put on weight' 'What have you done to your skin' 'Nice hair cut' etc. are not uncommon as the first reactions when people meet, women can add many more to that 'clothes, jewelery, etc. etc.
He did notice some of such things, of course he would not share them with her or the group. What did she notice and what were the changes, he thought.They talked for some time, traffic,transport,weather,work, weekends are easy things to talk about you see. The harder questions need not be discussed, there are no easy answers and one may not share them in public. Both of them stayed away from any such veering towards such difficult questions.
This was not natural, he could sense milk in some pot simmering and about to spill out. Some hopeless waves crashing on either sides of iron walls of the large ship cutting the ocean separate. Women are usually good at this (managing emotions) and she was very good. A sip of beer, a puff or coffee usually help at such times. The funny thing is that you tend to think no one else, especially the people who are around you, understand or notice. After all nothing has happened right. But, I guess all of them do notice something happening or not happening. It continued for sometime and then they spoke a few words to each other. Neither of them were interested in the answers. This not what they normally do, never to each other. It was as if they had locked their own true selves in their rooms and come here. They were left alone.
They were supposed to go together in one direction (ironic to say the least).

Nothing changed. Not even when they were alone. Oh wait, they were not, there were their egos and history to give them company.
'See you' was said without any meaning or hope. On his way back, he was thinking of many things, humming a tune and then the word came to his head and he smiled and shut up. 'Awkward'

Wednesday 18 March 2009

simple

Thanks for waking me up,
The sleep was deep and good,
But even better is waking up.
Your enthusiasm for the day is infectious,
So much to do, so much to think,
So much to talk, so much to listen,
So much to explore, so much to be curious about.

Take my hands in yours, let's hop and hum our ways through the day.
Let us dance in our hearts, celebrate the ever new love of our Father.
Discover the miracle in everyday, be the bliss-fountains we should.
Let's be good my dear, and let's do good.

Tuesday 3 March 2009

some day

He thought they would travel together in a fast car, she would be driving, he would be playing with her hair and they would travel far into the unknown in a light drizzle. He would talk of Coelho, Hesse and she would talk of green valleys and dark clouds, she would talk of flags on top of temples and he would talk of contours on the hands of the village women, he would talk of staying there forever and she would talk of the next gas station, he would be silent for a while and she would ask why. He thought they would listen to the wind for hours, they would scratch the surface of sky thousand times, they would speak to the mountains who can hear everything, they would walk with the innocence of a child and play hide and seek with the sun-rays skidding on the edges of the mountains. He thought he would share all this with her some day.

He thought they would sit together watching the sea. Sitting on the wall facing the sea, munching nuts and saying nothing at all. His son would ask questions and he would feel wiser, they would run together and he would lag behind, he would be called forgetful and stupid as he would fail to remember some names, they would do it together - his son’s 1st and his n+1th beer, he would listen in rapt attentions as his son would tell him about solar flares and he would say “I don’t know” and his son would understand. Some day he thought.

He would turn inwards and be calm. He would ask and he would be answered. He would be inconsolable and he would be hugged. He would thank. Some day.